Life seems to be going at top speed with many changes. Not only Covid19 slowing life down and making changes for all of us but other changes happening in my life not related to Covid19.
Back in February I found out that my sister, Kim, went to live with our younger brother and sister in law. It hurt me to know that her dad didn’t want to or couldn’t take care of her any longer. There were many things about this entire situation that I won’t go into but what I will say is that my sister needed help and more help than anyone of us could give her. Today she went into the nursing home. From what I was told she was happy about this decision. My sister has down syndrome and she has other health issues and needs round the clock care as well as someone helping her to do the simple things that we all take for granted, like showering, getting dressed. She doesn’t remember how to do certain things and it’s so sad to see her go downhill so quickly. While I am happy, she is in a place where she will be taken care of, I am also sad that I won’t get to see her other than through a glass door or window. Because of Covid19 I can’t hug her now that she is in the nursing home, at least until all of this is over. That’s the hard part, not seeing her for holidays or any other day for that matter.
Last Tuesday my husband and I received a phone call that we never expected. My brother died at the age of 49. He had a heart attack. Since all of this started with Covid19 and other things we never really communicated with each other. He kept things to himself and had his issues to deal with and it’s sad because I would have listened, and I would have loved him regardless. I have connected with him since he passed, and we have talked about many things. He now knows that I would not have judged him for his choices in life.
Everyone had a different reaction to his death and for some it was harder to process than others. My youngest took the news the hardest and although now she has had time to process this it still is a little hard for her, as death normally is for everyone. We all grieve in our own way; we heal in our own ways and in our own time. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. For some it’s crying, for others they work, for others still they travel or keep busy in other ways.
You never forget the person or the memories, the pain is there always at the surface but with each day you learn to live life in a unique way. Just as we have all had to learn to live differently with Covid19.